The fourth level of hell: Family circus

today i goto my work mailbox and there is something that looks very similiar to this sitting in there:

fucking bloody hell. the one in my mailbox has fucking billy standing at the door declaring "I untied my shoes all by myself!" holy fuck.

i think i actually threw up a little in my mouth. i once ranted in the lunch room that bill keane needs to die for his mesmorizing and horrible little circular comic strip which, because of its strategic placement and shape, evilly catches your eye sucking you into the hell that is the jeffy dotted line trek through town. it's madness. it's impossible to turn away, yet i think it destroys your soul. 'move to the suburbs' it says. 'buy an suv'. 'vote republican'. i know i am like travis bickle when it comes to family circus, but HOLY crap, who is torturing me? they pick the most painful ones too. i see this little strip of newspaper and i pull it out and say, 'OH for the love of all good and holy, what is this sh...?' and look around, there is some planner somewhere laughing his ass off. lurker, i'm looking at you. they end up in my box every three months or so, the most painful ones to boot.

how can one comic strip suck so much? what disturbs me about this today is that the signature now reads jeff and bil keane. sweet baby jesus, if he is passing his pen off to his son to continue the madness, i'm pretty sure my head will actually explode. i am writing another letter to the inquirer about this. they need to be stopped. and i'm the girl to stop them.

UPDATE: a co-worker admitted to the family circus madness in my inbox. he also sent me his biography, written by bill keane himself.
even his profile is mind-numbingly horrible, and i quote:

"I was born in Philadelphia. Well, I wasn't exactly born, I was discovered there by Benjamin Franklin (Oct. 5, 1922). (yo, Bil, you are killing me.) I grew up in that city with a penn (fucking hell) by my side--William Penn! When asked who cracked the Liberty Bell I replied, "Not me!"--my first association with that invisible gremlin who showed up in "The Family Circus" many years later. "

seriously, what the fuck is wrong with this guy?!?!?! honestly, i had almost successfully blocked the 'not me' invisible gremlin from my consciousness. i can't read anymore of this shit. it's two minutes of my life i will never get back