lusting after the bikes of bucks county

this weekend i did a 50 mile covered bridge ride of bucks county. lots of middle aged guys in spandex. lots of money. lots of sweeeeet rides. damn, if i saw another orbea, my brain was going to explodamente. bianchis. le mond. holy crap, old school pirandellos. check out the orbea if you don't believe me on it's extremely beautiful body and sleek engineering.

but why do the girl's version always look so much dorkier? why can't girls ride black and orange bikes?

there was a dude with an old school, european touring bike and a hoffenbrau jersey, and a stunned into stupidity fucking expression on his face. that dude was my nemesis. i always have to pick one. the person i am not saving if the plane is going down. that is hoffenbrau guy. we'd hit a hill and my girls would kick it. my legs hard steel pistons pumping up the hill, i'd punch by the stupid upright dumbass in his hoffenbrau jersey and think, not in my house, muthahfucker. girls rule, boys drool. booya. yeah, i'd think all that and plenty of more cusses too. he would turn his head and with his stupid simpleton smile nod, and then when i ran out of gears and was down on speed, my girls start bitching and running out of steam, pee wee fucking herman would pull up along side me with his silly, shit-eating grin and blow past me, until i was mad enough to bury him again. then i would hang low, wait for john and repeat on the next hill. i swear i didn't pee next rest stop, just so i could catch 5 minutes and i didn't have to see the dude on any hill ever again. his non-chalance mocked me.

anyway, not to worry, there were hicks and rednecks a plenty in bucks county, even if they can't afford the taxes, they still blow into the county to try and hurt men who shave their legs and the women who love them.rich dickwads with big suvs plowing by us at 50 mph beeping their horn. obnoxious bitches. i got a bottle thrown at me, and consequently a thousand little shards of glass in my tire. damn, a-holes. some guy made chase, but alas, the gmc eagle is no match for the trek 1500. it shook me up, the vehemence and random act of violence always upsets me and shakes my belief in people as inherently good. the bottle crashed against a wall right in front of me, clearly aimed at scaring the crap out of our group of cyclists. john k. had a slow leak after that too. i now need new tires. i am thinking about getting those cool mag tires.
the ride was beautiful, though, here is the breakdown of hills and what not:

2700 feet of climbing in 50 miles. well, when you put it like that, it doesn't sound like much. the wind was fierce though. but all in all, a great way to end the organized ride season. here is a picture of me in the morning (i think i am number 98 of the 447)and here is another making a climb 5 miles from the end (and three photos ahead of john k). i look pretty much the same in both. like a smiling alien. as david bowie so eloquently put it, is there life on mars? oui, david, oui.